Monday, July 23, 2007

Gay Marriage v. Civil Unions...and the "duh" factor

I was just watching the Democratic Presidential Debate, which was very informative, and I found myself a little sad and frustrated. First of all, anyone who knows me will tell you that 1.) I am very Liberal and proud of that word; 2.) An avid supporter of a progressive mindset; 3.) A proud supporter of future President Hillary Rodham Clinton...which will be a topic of a later blog entry, I'm sure. But I digress...The one thing that frustrates me with the majority of the Democratic Candidates is their open support for Civil Unions with equal rights as heterosexual, "traditional" marriage and NOT across the board marriage for gays and straights. As we all know, the United States Relgious Machine has very cleverly and successfully convinced the average American that Gay marriage with somehow corrupt the 'sanctity' of marriage. I'm not even going to waste your time or my finger strength typing how ridiculous this school of thought is given the divorce rates and other statistics. However, I will say that I don't believe that we will see Congress or ANY President make Gay Marriage legal. Why? Because of ignorance of Americans. As harsh as it sounds, the vast majority of Americans who vote(aka...older Americans) have had the Big Religion lip service corrupt their commonsense. In our society, where we have always taken what our 'religious superiors' say at face value, the average American doesn't know how to critically question the status quo...especially when it doesn't necessairly affect them...such as Gay marriage to a straight couple.
The Democratic Party seems to have fallen victim to the apathetic approach to equality in the law. By accepting the mindset that giving the LGBT community something that isn't quite marriage...but 'equal' in the letter of the law is insulting to me as a Gay man.
As a politically charged person who loves American history, I think the answer to the Gay Marriage debate is extremely simple...and it also explains why I believe that Congress will never legalize gay marriage. The reason is because my belief that History repeats itself. Pretty simple, huh?
One of my favorite Supreme Court cases and decisions is Brown v. the Topeka Board of Education. The case took on the notion put forth by Plessy v. Ferguson that, in education, separate but equal was legitimate. This basically legalized segregation in public schools and institutions. Brown v. the Topeka Board of Education with the help of the Progressive Warren Court said in essence that separate can never be equal in public education or government institutions.
This historic decision is the basis of the 'duh' factor I mention in my title. Dems and many gays are settling for Civil Unions with 'equal' protections under the law as married straight couples. I call bullshit. Marriage is NOT a religious institution anymore. Why???
1. Tax breaks for married couples
2. Marriage is only legal with a signed license issued by a State
3. Atheists can be married legally...and God is obviously not a factor in that
These are only a few reasons why marriage is a public institution and not a religious one. So, let's level. The U.S. Supreme Court has already said that Separate can never be Equal in a public/government institution...which marriage really is. So how can giving the LGBT community something SEPARATE from Marriage be EQUAL to marriage...DUH...It CAN'T!
I do not think that Congress or any President will, in the near future, allow Gay Marriage to go through. It is going to take those dreaded "Liberal Activist" judges to make progressive changes and provide the Checks and Balances that the Framers of the Constitution set in place to protect ALL Americans. The same kind of "Liberal Activist" judges that said that blacks and whites can go to school together, swim together, and drink out of the same water fountain. Personally, I am thankful that our country has had these "extremists" on the bench, regardless of what Big Religion might try to get us to think about their Liberal agenda.

WOW...that was a rant and a half!!!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Wonderfully Convoluted and Naive Views of a one, Mr. Alan Chambers...

I was just reading Ex-Gay Watch, and saw Alan Chambers reply to a posted reply of Peterson Toscano. Peterson was describing parts of the Refuge program...very accurately, and Mr. Chambers took it upon himself to set the record straight...no pun intended...I SWEAR!

Peterson,

I am sure that LIA uses licensed and trained therapists within the program. In fact, since their move (or not long after) to Memphis they have retained the services of a licensed therapist.

Additionally, I know that they now provide after care, which is a great thing and one of the issues that you felt strongly
about.



Well, I felt it was important that someone set Mr. Chambers straight...please read as much into that as you wish! This is what I wrote.


Jacob, on July 15th, 2007 at 11:23 pm Said:
I find that the more I read from Mr. Chambers, the more concerned I become. Having recently attended Love In Action, I am amazed with how much the program has ’changed.’ For example, aftercare. Such a wonderful idea…in theory; however, ’aftercare’ was supposidly an option after I left in August 2005. What does LIA do when a former client ’slips up’ after leaving the ex-gay bubble…you know…the real, unsheltered world where you aren’t going to the bathroom in groups of 3 or more…and you don’t have restrictions on what stores you can go in, who you can talk to, and have the opportunity to think for yourself??? Well, in my experience…a ’slip up’ after exiting the program results in your aftercare being terminated, for the most part. My counselor no longer talked to me, I was not allowed to contact any of my friends who were still in the program(because if they were to have communication with a gay person who was no longer being assimilated by the Ex-gay Borg, the gay rays might over power the ex-gay ones!) If that doesn’t make a person feel untouchable and damaged, I don’t know what does. I was allowed to go to an evening group led by other struggling ex-gays who meeting after meeting shared either how they ’slipped up’ or how they were struggling to NOT slip up…also, these group leaders were NOT licensed counselors…which is my next point.
Mr. Chambers, you say that Love in Action uses Licensed counselors. Well, partially you are correct. My counselor was licensed. However, daily we had group sessions led by various leaders, including John Smid, office workers, and former/current clients…non of which, to my knowledge, are licensed counselors. These theraputic groups are designed to help us focus on ourselves, begin healing, and be at our most vulnerable…something that, in hindsight, I believe that only a trained professional should be leading. *As a disclaimer, John Smid was…well..the Rev. John Smid at the time of my stay. No, not because he went through Bible College…or Seminary…but rather, because the lovely leadership at GBC, Love in Action’s host church and a major financial supporter, decided that his leading of such a noble cause earned him the title! Makes sense right?!?*
Even if a person has a license to counsel…that does not mean he or she should be able to practice. In the multiple sessions I had with my counselor, he never once took notes…which I always found odd. He also sometimes made me wait days before I could talk to him…because he was busy…despite the fact that in my 19 years of existance, I had never dealt with anything as emotionally draining and trying as Love in Action.

Also, Alan, I find myself very curious as to how many times you have visited LIA in the last six months…or a cumulative amount of hours you have spent observing the ’many changes’ that you speak of. I mean, you sound like an expert about all that is LIA. Do you just rely on the Rev. John Smid’s word, or have you seen the progress you speak of first hand?
Well, this message has turned out to a bit longer than anticipated…I guess I found my next blog topic as well!


My frustration is in the fact that Alan Chambers is sharing half truths. I do not necessairly believe it is because he wishes to mislead us, but rather because he is ignorant. I use the term ignorant in a loving way. He is ignorant to what goes on in Love In Action from a client/ex-client's perspective as well as the everyday practices because he is NOT there everyday. Which is understandable...it's hard work running a massive "Religious Machine" that is determined to reach its goals..at most any cost. I bet he naps frequently!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

dixie chicks not ready to make nice

Here's the video...I just figured out how to add it, as I am a "born again blog virgin!" Enjoy

Not ready to make nice

Being from Rural Missouri, I have roots, that I often try to hide, in country music. And as a liberal, I have found the Dixie Chicks to be one of my favorite country groups. Their music is not only beautifully done, but there is a strong relevance in the stories they share. In listening to their song, "Not ready to make nice," I find myself relating to so much of it. It is such a powerful message that is applicable to not only me, as an Ex-Gay Survivor, but so many others. I have decided that staying quiet is not an option. Where as I don't hold anger toward Love in Action and my church for essentially disowning me, I have not forgotten. I don't think I will ever. Why? Not because of bitterness, but because a growth in my heart and soul that has occurred. Below are the lyrics and I encourage you to read them, think about them and how they apply to your own life experiences.

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything

But I’m still waiting

Words & Music by Emily Robison, Martie Maguire, Natalie Maines, Dan Wilson
C 2005 Woolly Puddin’ Music (BMI) - Chrysalis Music/Sugar Lake Music (ASCAP)

Saturday, July 07, 2007

A long, long time ago on a blog not so far away...

That was when I made my last post. I am not the greatest at following through with this; however, with the positive changes and decisions I have recently made, I know I am going to need as much support as I can get, as well as perspective from others who have 'been there.' I recently attended the Ex-Gay Survivors Conference in Irvine, California. The best word to describe my experience there is 'Phenomenal.' I met so many wonderful people, and the environment was so affirming and full of love.
In the past year, I have grown greatly. My goal for renewing this blog is simple...I want people who are considering ex-gay 'ministries', reparative therapy to know that there are other options. For example...realizing that being happy and healthy is more important than pleasing those around you; finding affirming friends who accept you for who you are; educating yourself before making a decision that will cost you potentially thousands of dollars and so much heartache.
I want to keep this post small, as an 'I'm back...and more fabulous than ever.' message to all of those who have been so supportive in my old blogging days and to the new people reading it.
One large difference you will notice is that I am no longer "J"...as creative and stealth as that was...I've grown to realize that worrying about what others think is a great waste of energy...energy that I could be using to help others and become a stronger person. Feel free to ask me anything and be yourself on my blog. Thanks for reading, and I will do my best to become a stronger, more consistent blogger.