Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A Plagued Senator Craig

I find myself feeling a bit heavy-hearted for Senator Larry Craig. As most of my friends know, I am an extremely political person, and I would usually be excited by a seemingly hypocrital scandal that involves a conservative republican who fights against gay rights. However, this story is not making me get those 'warm fuzzies' that I usually do(I do realize that warm fuzzies may make me seem a bit heartless...oh well.)
I am finding myself heavy-hearted because I can actually relate to the alleged situation the Senator is in. Just think, how many ex-ex-gays have found themselves living double lives, seeking out meaningless hookups to help have some feeling of being alive, willing to lie to those we love in order to protect them and ultimately protect ourselves. I do not know or even want to speculate on Sen. Craig's sexuality or inner struggles; however, I do know where I've been and where many of my friends have been.
I know that the road I traveled and still travel to an extent was hard, but I could not even imagine being a top political leader under the scrutiny of millions of Americans and still battling with an inner struggle larger than life itself at times.
Another interesting thing is to watch those 'friends' and colleagues of his one by one turn away from him, bash him to the media, and just forget that he is a human. It is such a familiar scene...being with 'friends' who know you by the particular mask you wear, and once it is removed, they no longer feel that they can be in your life or look at you as a human being again, but rather, you become a disgrace, a problem, or even a liability.
For all of those, especially in the ex-ex-gay world, I ask you to not judge a man on the lack of compassion he has shown those who are 'different,' but rather, be the compassion that you want to see come from him.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

On a lighter, yet much scarier note...

I took this weekend off to recharge and visit some of my good friends in Columbia, Missouri. While my friend Kari and I were waiting for our friends to get into town, we went to dinner and then discovered a treasure trove of craziness...a local carnival!
Well, I am not sure if carnivals in other parts of the country/world are similar to a Rural Missouri carnival, but here is a tiny glimpse of what we saw: rusted rides operated by men and women with very few teeth(always with a cigarette in their mouths, to boot), beyond pushy game operators heckling you to pay $5 dollars to throw a ball at glued together bottles, and a lot of local folk that you usually don't see in daylight...Essentially, it was "Deliverance" with a Tilt-A-Whirl and bad carnival music to replace the Banjo
Well, Kari and I were able to amuse ourselves on the rides and by people watching(though, I think I will go get a Tetanus shot just to be safe!) There was not a huge turn out, so the ride lengths were amazingly long! Well, we were talking having a blast and enjoying the festivites, that is, until we passed the "Dunk-a-Clown" booth.
Well, there was not a line to dunk the clown, so I guess he felt the need to provoke people to pay to dunk him. It seems he fixated waaaay too much energy on me though. I was wearing a blue striped polo...for no reason other than I love blue and enjoy polos...and he started to heckle me!

Well, I do not get upset/embarrassed easily; however, he knew exactly what to do to make me feel the most uncomfortable I have felt in recent memory. He quickly deemed me as "Preppy" due to the polo. I thought he was surely talking to someone else, until he said, "Yeah, you in the blue striped Polo." Kari and I were taken aback. He didn't leave it at that. While we were in line for a ride next to his booth, he kept up with the harrassing comments. "Yeah, where you going Preppy...you 90210 Reject!" Yes...he said it...I shit you not. I am not even old enough to really remember 90210, and he was still hurling the insults. *Note, I PAID to get into this place.* So, needless to say, everyone around me and the ride we were in line for were laughing in disbelief at his comments, while staring at me. I nearly had a panic attack! To give you an example of how much I do not like attention to be put on me in public, I will share one of my greatest phobias. "*Clap, Clap, Clap*...Happy Happy Birthday, We're so glad you came, Happy Happy Birthday, from the Applebee's Gang!" When I hear the clapping, I start to have trouble breathing...Even when I'm well aware it is not my birthday, there is always that handful of friends that thinks it is sooooooo funny to see people sing to me in public! I know it sounds stupid, but my friends all now know that if they don't want me to pee my pants in public and hate them for all eternity, they will NEVER do that to me at a restaurant!
Anywho...so, I was experiencing an Applebee's Birthday Song times 10!!! Finally, I grabbed Kari, put my arm around her for support and we left so I didn't pass out from lack of oxygen! The clown of course continues, "Yeah...listen to your woman and walk away!" Kari was fairly supportive, as she tried to muzzle her laughter.
So, now that I have survived yet another traumatic even in my life, I feel I am a stronger person! Lesson learned...Clowns suck!!!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Just Checking In

I just wanted to take a few minutes to check in, as I don't have anything major to share. Well...there are some major things in the works, but time will see how that goes. I have decided to attent the God and Gays seminar, which has been moved to October I believe. The news in this is that I have encouraged my mother to go with me. As a quick recap of my mother's comfort level with me being gay and gays in general...I think an analogy is in order. My mother is as comfortable talking to me about anything gay as Alan Chambers at the Miss Gay Missouri drag show! *Hopefully this provides everyone with some interesting mental pictures!
Anywho, I have decided that I can't deny who I am any longer, and once I am in a relationship, I cannot go a year and a half, as I did before, without telling my family about it. When you love someone, you want to shout it from the rooftops...not whisper it to him in the cereal isle at Shop 'N Save so as you don't make anyone feel 'akward.' I definitely want to have a family one day...one that my parents openly accept and love as they do my brother, his wife and their son. I want to feel comfortable to bring my partner to Christmas dinner with the rest of the family. Whereas this is all stuff that will take place down the road and not in the immediate future...I have to start thinking about it now.
I am going to give my mom til October to decide to go to this conference with me and educate herself instead of giving into the religious rhetoric. If she doesn't, I am going to have to make some extremely tough decisions, which I believe I am prepared to do.
Well...for just checking in, that was a bit of a tangent!!! Have a great Sunday!