Sunday, March 26, 2006
Anyone who has ever been in Love in Action, and I'm sure any other ex-gay ministries knows about re-introductions. A re-intro is where you share EVERY past sexual "sin" that you have ever committed to a loved one, friend, or anyone you wanted to have contact with while in Love in Action(yes, unless you tell your parents everything you've ever done sexually, or at least to the point that your counselor is content with, you cannot speak with them for the duration of your stay at LIA.) I didn't agree with it, believing firmly that confessing my sins to God was sufficient enough, not to mention a group of my peers, counselors. The logic behind the whole thing is that whom ever I tell is going to be my accountability, and my accountability needs to be fully aware of "what I'm capable of." So, being the obedient person I am, I told not only my parents, but 2 of my pastors, my brother, and my best friend. None of these people had any idea what to expect of my seemingly harmless "re-intro." Little did they know, everything they never wanted to hear was about to be exposed. I had to talk to these people I loved and that cared for me. I felt so alone and filthy at times, it was important to know that people loved me. Ergo, I got over the hesitation of telling them everything, so I could just hear their affirming voices. This, to me, is another example of exploiting the vulnerable. I believe this was partially(not the sole purpose, I don't think) to humilliate us in hopes that it would stop us from behaving "badly." Now, everytime my parents and I get in an argument over me making decisions for myself or I try to tell my best-friend about a choice I am making, they use what I told them in my re-intro against me. I admit I have done some horrible stuff...things that make me cringe, and at times I don't believe that they factor in that people grow and change. The things in my past do not make up who I am today. I have learned from many of these mistakes, and if anything, I believe I will be a better, stronger person in the future having had these experiences.